#18 Soundtrack to a Plane Ride

to no one's surprise: it's the blues

Happy Wednesday (It’s Saturday),

Here’s the thing, whenever I go out to a concert, I can’t come home and not immediately eat five meatballs. Or a few pieces of salami. I am the Tony Soprano of my one-bedroom apartment between the hours of 11pm and 2am, and I have fewer than zero regrets about my late-night deli meat tendencies. It doesn’t really matter what genre of music I’m going to see, for I know that the night will inevitably end with me in pajamas eating prosciutto by the refrigerator light. My personal nightcap. This, reader, is feminism. But I digress…

I’ve been on more planes than usual lately, and I can’t stop thinking about a conversation I had with a friend recently before a flight this summer. As I verbally went through my packing list, thinking about how many paperbacks and journals I could shovel into my carry-on tote, my friend gave an audible scoff from the corner of her classroom. It had been an arduous day of teaching summer school and any filter that had once been present between our thoughts and our speech had long since dissolved. I turned to her. “Why, what do you do on an airplane to pass the time?” I prodded. She smiled. “I have the same routine on every plane ride: I listen to my sad playlist, I look through every single photo in my camera roll, and I cry until we land.”

And reader, behind my plans to read these novels and write in these notebooks, to unplug and really get lost in some good old fashioned narrative, I would be a liar not to admit that often my plans end up more like Chae’s. The difference between Chae and me is, however, is that Chae is aware of reality. And she probably travels light because she knows there’s no chance in hell that she’s actually cracking open a single book. I “oops” and “pardon me” down too-narrow isles bumping fellow passengers with my tote, pregnant with literary potential, yet completely unnecessary for the journey ahead. I sit in my middle seat (because I never remember to check in let alone choose a seat beforehand) still holding out hope that the pages that promised to be this summer’s best read in 2017 will somehow allure me between here and Dulles International Airport. Reader, they rarely do.

I’m not a huge crier. Honestly, I usually identify with Sasha Alex Sloane’s “Too Sad To Cry” when it comes to the concept. Yet there is something about airplanes. I blame my cousin, Amanda, if we are being honest. I think she showed me David Bowie’s “Space Oddity” a little too young, and when I get a little too high off the ground, I feel like Major Tom. I think about my last words. I envision the end. 

For here am I sitting in a tin can
Far above the world
Planet Earth is blue
And there's nothing I can do

Though I'm past one hundred thousand miles
I'm feeling very still
And I think my spaceship knows which way to go
Tell my man I love him very much, he knows

-David Bowie “Space Oddity"

In my plane reflections lately, I keep coming back to the concept of discernment. I had to look it up in a dictionary just now to make sure I got it right: It’s a noun, and it means the ability to judge well. For those of us that have been in relationships where we have been made to move against our instincts or consider the needs and comforts of others before our own, the ability to judge well can feel elusive. Discernment seems (to me) like the ability to distinguish what feels threatening because it is actually dangerous and what feels scary because it is just new. This still feels difficult for me sometimes. 

I often write myself questions in my notes app like “is it kind or is it people-pleasing?” when I list all the ways in which I have shown up for people I love (or hardly know), and I wonder “is it attunement or is it codependence” when I anticipate someone’s need or respond to a shift in someone’s mood. I interrogate whether, on sad days, I’m letting myself feel my feelings or I’m sinking into familiar depression — if I’m staying too long in a house I once called home and drawing the curtains shut. 

It can be tempting, a prodigal return toward what I grew up around even if I know there’s nothing waiting for me there anymore. It can feel much easier to do things the way I’ve always done them (run around, numb it out, pretend pretend pretend) but it can also be dangerous once I’ve learned how little that’s served me. 

I can get stubborn in my sadness and flick every attempt at lightheartedness and joy away. This is my sign that I’m slipping. But the other day on a Sad Girl Walk™ I had started to get teary-eyed at a Lizzy McAlpine song while passing a parent pushing a stroller when all of a sudden….“HI!” screamed the baby to me. “HI!” 

Reader, it shocked me. I laughed involuntarily. Here I was, mopey walking in a desperate attempt to feel okay, and there was this infant accosting me with friendly greetings. “Oh, hello. Baby?” is what I said. Am I proud of my word choice? Obviously not. But I am proud that I let this baby make me laugh, that I hadn’t sunken so deep in my blues so as to find this baby anything other than hilarious. To laugh. To call a friend. To let myself be okay.

So when the flight attendants prepare the cabin for landing, I write down my last question: “am I running away or am I ready to go?” It’s been a few weeks now, and I think I know my answer. 

XO,
M

A section of round-ups of songs, albums, playlists, and tours

I know it seems like I see a lot of live music (and I do) but before this year, live music wasn’t a huge part of my life. I was never a girl who spent her paycheck on concert tickets and to this day I’ve never been to a music festival. Music has always been incredibly important to me, but for most of my adolescence and early twenties, it wasn’t a love I shared often with other people. I’d tag along to shows I was invited to, but the bands I really wanted to see — the ones that kept me up late at night writing, the ones that put a soundtrack to all my questions— I didn’t see live. 

The music that mattered most to me didn’t seem to intravenously infect anyone else around me in quite the same way, and as kid there’s a specific and unspeakably sharp pain of loving something so much and looking around, expecting that same feeling on the face of the people around you, and seeing indifference. Or worse — ridicule. Older people love to shit on younger people’s music taste and boys love to tease girls about theirs. Pretty soon, if you love something hard enough, you learn to hide it.

And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Their immune to your consultations
They're quite aware of what they're going through

-Bowie, David. Lyrics to “Changes,” 1971

I can’t explain why “Thank You For The Venom” by My Chemical Romance makes me feel possible or why “Sweet Lorraine” by Patty Griffin slices me in half. I don’t know why “Old Before Your Time” by Ray LaMontagne smells like black coffee or why “Sing For You” by Tracy Chapman increases the temperature of any room I’m in. Some songs unfold a life in front of you that you’d never let yourself imagine before, some are salves on cuts you didn’t know were bleeding, and some are a resurrection stone of everyone you’ve ever lost. There are too many songs that stop me in my tracks and how any of these could be background sound to someone doing something else will never stop confusing me. 

But I’ve learned (maybe a bit later than I’d wished) that it’s okay to share what you love. It’s okay to be really fucking loud about it, actually. You don’t need anyone’s permission to listen to metal or blessing to blast disco. Not everyone will love it, some folks might even be downright rude to you about it, but I guarantee there are some freaks out there who like the same weird stuff you do. They will lie on the floor and listen to the same record and feel it right alongside you. They’ll understand why your tears are cheek stained. Theirs are too. Those are your people. And it’s okay if you haven’t met them yet. They are probably at a show you don’t have tickets for or on a bus you haven’t taken, but the louder you are about the love you’ve got, the more people you’ll see appear around you. Wear the merch, put the niche stickers on your water bottle, pierce the pins into your backpack and watch them walk up. “Nice shirt,” they’ll say, because they can’t help it. They’ve found you. And they are happy you exist. Will wearing your love loud welcome unwanted attention? Yes. But it will also be a lighthouse for your folks to find you. Maybe you should let them.

If you want to peruse to the music I was listening to when I wrote this edition of Stuff n’ Such, behold my allegiance to the Spotify algorithm:

PS - Em, this is that song you liked! :)

🎵 It’s Meg Ryan Fall (playlist, recommended by Melanie) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ladies, Gentlemen, and Those Lucky Enough To Transcend Gender*, the time has come. The time is now. It’s Melanie and Toni’s birthday month, which is to say it is also the beginning of Meg Ryan Fall. So queue up When Harry Met Sally, You’ve Got Mail, or Sleepless in Seattle put on your reading classes, surround yourself with books, watch the leaves change color, and fall in love with your best friend, nemesis or long-distance stranger. Let yourself get cozy and hibernate with your favorite things. Fall is a time to let things go, let them fall, let them rest. 

*David Hoyle, as lauded in None of the Above by Travis Alabanza

I’ve been lucky enough to see a lot of live music in the past week at some killer venues in The Bay and New Orleans. Here are the highlights.

🎵 The Teskey Brothers (on tour, live at Tipitinas in New Orleans) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

After two failed attempts, I finally caught a Teskey Brothers show. I actually don’t know how Josh Teskey sings like that? Whatever well he pulls from rivals the Mariana Trench because the man has pipes. No wonder he’s always drinking tea on stage — to belt that out night after night? Protect him at all costs.

The whole band was stellar, and you can tell they just love playing music. That’s probably my favorite thing about live music: getting to witness just how into it musicians get, how much fun they are having absolutely shredding the harmonica or getting on their knees to play with open surrender.

This was also my first experience at Tipitina’s, one of New Orleans most famous clubs dedicated to the late pianist and NOLA legend, Professor Longhair. Felt cool just to be there, no matter where I watched the band from.

🎵 Allysha Joy (on tour, live at Tipitina’s) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

allysha_joy

A post shared by @allysha_joy

I loved learning more about Allysha Joy through this piece penned back in 2022 after the release of her sophomore album, Torn: Tonic. If you like soul, jazz, r&b, hip-hop, this artist does it all. And again…the voice!? Immaculate. I also think it’s just super kick-ass that she didn’t learn the piano until later in her life. She’s a huge believer that it’s never too late to learn music or make art, and I think we could all use that reminder. Also…she joined Josh Teskey for a Ray Charles cover (Drown in My Own Tears) and….speechless.

🎵 The Jump Hounds (New Orleans based jump jazz sextet) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

If you happen to live in (or are visiting) New Orleans, check out DBA on Monday nights. The Jump Hounds are incredible. Sort of a combo between jazz and swing and rock&roll, the shows are so energetic, and there are some incredible dancers that get out on that dance floor. You can watch or join in, but regardless, it’s a fun fookin’ time. GO! PS: one of the dancers featured in this video was on the dance floor last Monday.

🎵 Ray LaMontagne (on tour, live at the SF Masonic) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Tonight’s show was Ray LaMontagne at the SF Masonic and it only just occurred to me that Montana Ray is the uno reverse of Ray LaMontagne, so maybe I was Born To Love (him).

Ray LaMontagne will always remind me of a summer roadtrip I took from Boston to San Francisco when I was 21. It was a summer of friendship and love, thunderstorms and fresh peaches and, of course, the much-abused aux cord of my 2007 Honda Civic. There will always be a bit of nostalgia in the albums for me, as images of summer backroads through Virginia an Tennessee will always float to the surface, but the songs feel feel future facing to me now. I’m older, so the lyrics resonate differently. What is in my rearview is different these days, and what I want for myself has also changed. I think the beauty of a lot of Ray’s songs is that they change with you. They don’t have to be just memories — the albums can live and breathe in real time. New memories made alongside them, a soundtrack to another summer.

Real talk, seeing Ray LaMontagne live last night was one of my dreams come true. I had seen him almost ten years ago at Red Rocks with my sister, but it was a much different set, and I couldn’t hear very well. This time, before his tour, he put out an ask for song requests and then based his set off of what people most wanted to hear. I just thought that was super special and kind. The show was really stripped down, just him, a bassist and a drummer who also played the keys and the guitar from time to time. His voice is incredible and the venue felt intimate despite its size.

I enjoyed hearing the stories behind certain songs (like how his record company refused Gossip in the Grain at first because they didn’t “hear a single” and it “needed more tempo” to which RLM responded “what the fuck is tempo?”). He contemplated buying his record back from them to release on his own but couldn’t pull it off at the time. The album was eventually released with a re-worked “You Are The Best Thing.”

Most recently, “Broken Sky” was written all in one night, and after playing it for his son, he decided not to change a thing about it. Obsessed with old-school stop animation with paper, clay, and shadows, his son created a four-minute long movie to accompany the track, which played behind him as he sang. Watch it below :)

To my surprise, the lines that made me nearly weep were not lyrics to songs I’ve bawled to before, but instead the stories Ray shared between them.

1. My sweetie and I have known each other since we were eight years old. She’s been my friend for 42 years, my sweetie for 34, and my wife for 26. I still love her. (said before Born to Love You)

2. I think about these songs I wrote when I was 25…It’s hard to remember the person who wrote them. Who was I then? But then halfway through playing one, I remember.

A section of round-ups for movies, tv shows, web series etc.

🎬 No Hard Feelings (Movie, Comedy, 2023) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This was a movie I didn’t want to watch even though I knew I’d like it. It was so funny and heart warming —  it’s awkward but stops just shy of making you cringe. It’s perfect. I was terrified it would leave me sad, and it absolutely did not. No notes!

🎬 Our Flag Means Death (TV Series, HBO, Comedy) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Oi nah this show is so funny. BAHAHAHA. Rhys Darby has me in absolute stitches. I loved him in Flight of the Concords, and he carries this show so well. I’m only a few episodes in, but I know it will be a fave. Between this and Good Omens, so many of my boxes are being checked.

🎬Mill Valley Film Festival: October 5 - 15

I love indie and foreign films, though I’m not totally sure when that love started. My mom would take me to see the movies that had aired at Sundance at our local theater and my dad would occasionally bring home foreign films from Blockbuster and Hollywood video growing up. I think because I was always such a big reader, and I’ve always been more invested in the arcs and depths of characters than a super action-oriented plot, I gravitated toward the type of storytelling done in the indie scene. I’ve never been to the Mill Valley Film Festival, but I’m excited to check it out. If you aren’t local, consider a streaming option!

Films I’m Most Excited For:

• Farming While Black (documentary)

• Founder Girls (documentary short)

• Fingernails (feature)

• The Boy and the Heron (feature)

• The Crime is Mine (feature)

• Anatomy of a Fall (feature)

🎬Boston Palestine Film Festival: October 13-22 *CANCELLED

This festival, which takes place for 10 days in October each year in different venues across Boston, has cancelled all live screenings of their films in response to the atrocities currently happening in Palestine and heightened security concerns after vandalism at the Palestinian Cultural Center for Peace. Films which “offer refreshingly honest, self-described, and independent views of Palestine and its history, culture, and geographically dispersed society” are still available to stream online. More on the organizers’ decision here.

A section of round-ups for books, articles, fanfiction etc.

📚 Less by Andrew Sean Greer (fiction, love/comedy) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Plot: Arthur Less is a man who is nearing his 50th birthday trying to distance himself from the fact that he feels like a loser. None of his novels ever really garnered him much prestige, his ex-boyfriend of nine years is getting married to someone else, and one of the major loves of his life is suffering from complicated health issues in a convalescent home in Sonoma. He has no idea what he’s doing with his life, so he does what any rational person does, and flees the country.

I loved this book so much. I listened to it on audiobook every second I wasn’t reading it. The ending was amazing. It’s the kind of book that is fiction, but the conversations between characters are very real. It’s also hilarious. It also randomly won the Pulitzer Prize (LOL). Thank you to Carol for gifted it to me many moons ago. I’m so happy I finally got around to reading it! (I just bough the sequel!)

recipes I’ve made and liked enough to share (usually from Tik-tok)

🧁 Viral Chopped Italian Sandwich ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I combined a bunch of different recipes I found on this “viral” sandwich. I left out coppa and turkey because I don’t like them.

Ingredients:

• Provolone 

• Ciabatta 

• Iceberg lettuce, chopped

• Tomatoes sliced up

• As much salami as would make Tony Soprano proud

• As many slices of pepperoni as would make Carmela nervous

• A bunch of peperoncinis

• Italian vinaigrette

  • red wine vinegar & olive oil in a 1:3 ratio

  • dijon mustard

  • salt, pepper

  • pecorino Romano

Directions:

• Preheat oven to 350F

• Chop up all ingredients

• Add dressing

• Slice ciabatta roll in half and put a slice of provolone on each side and bake for a few mins until the cheese melts

• Pile that chopped salad on high on the bread and dig in :)

A new section of round-ups for accounts and snippets I’ve been loving recently

📱Bre’s Tiny Print Shop - Zine Creator

I started following brattyxbre_ on IG and TikTok in the pandemic. She is so cool and funny and her zines rock. She even puts together little kits and shares zine making tips to help the n00bs. She has a series that is just all Nicolas Cage related content…(Amelia Petroff, I’m lookin’ at you…jk I know you don’t read this newsletter)

brattyxbre_

A post shared by @brattyxbre_

I highly recommend looking at Bre’s following list as she follows a ton of really awesome zine creators. Her last series called You Kinda Suck is available for purchase on her site! You can also sign up for her newsletter here.

Shout outs to:

• My October Libras (Melanie, Toni, , My Great- Grandma Weezer, My Fifth Grade English Teacher Mr. Oncay — why do I remember his birthday every year?—my brother)

• Lana for starting her new job and for writing a ton of her new fic! (I can’t do the cranberries today.)

• Tori for introducing me to so much new music and taking me around such an incredible city!

• My friend A for getting engaged (IDK if I’m allowed to reference it on the internet yet so…you know who you are??) I’m so happy for the both of you, and I rarely say that about heterosexual couples! You go Glens Cocos.

• The old(er) man sitting next to me at the Ray LaMontagne concert who shook my hand at the end of the show and said “Open your bookshop, Montana.” Stop I’ll cry right now.

• Meg for how seriously she takes being a friend. Like this woman does friend like a full-time job — you’ll never not know she cares about you

• A dude named Sam who randomly taught me how to two-step(ish)/swing dance last weekend at a bar in New Orleans

• Pareesa for almost being done with tax season (help I still haven’t done my taxes yet whoops)

• Siobhan for taking me record shopping in the Bywater and talking all things deep and nerdy

• Devon for getting some of her first prints back from her film camera — we love a girl who’s learning a new hobby!

• Gem for FaceTiming me from England while I washed my dishes and also for continuing the exhausting interviewing process until she finds a job that suits her

• Everyone who showed me so much love in NOLA — what a special place

Ending Note:

My heart is with those in Gaza, most of whom are refugees and half of whom are children who are suffering under horrifying collective punishment enacted by the Israeli government and funded by the US. For now, I’ll let art do what it’s best at — letting you believe in something better than the worst of what we’ve got. Turn to your poets. Lean on one another. Be safe and love hard. <3

Peace and love,

XO,

M