#22 Fleetwood Macrame
tribute bands, Hamlet, and the Peaky F***ing Blinders
Happy Wednesday (It’s Sunday),
Well…I missed Christmas Tree pick up day via Oakland waste management services, and now my Blue Spruce is rotting on my back patio. Happy New Year, everyone. I wrote last year about the social, capitalist pressure of starting new habits in the dead of winter and how untenable that is for me, so instead of a resolution, I am choosing a word like I did last year at the encouragement of my friend Lily.
My word for 2023 was celebrate, and that I did. After a few years of hibernation and social avoidance (COVID-19 played no small part in that indulgence), 2023 was a time to seek joy in community —finding ways to build new relationships and commemorate moments in them no matter how small.
New Orleans is a city that seems to have a celebration for everything, and it doesn’t seem a coincidence to me now that this is the year I returned to that beautiful city. The first time I ended up there I was right in the middle of a road trip from Boston to San Francisco, and I had just turned 21. In a club that didn’t look big enough to fit a tuba, let alone a full brass band, the singer asked anyone who was celebrating anything to come join them onstage. Brides-to-be and birthday boys clamored to the pulpit, but when the microphone was passed to the last man, who hadn’t for a moment opened his eyes or stopped dancing to the music, he bellowed “I am seventy-two years old, and I just got a new heart!” The band erupted into Jazz-congratulations, and I swear the whole club felt like they too, had just received a new lease on life. This is what I love about New Orleans.
I didn’t grow up in a culture of celebrating much outside of birthdays, school achievements, and national holidays, and as I continue to try to build a life I don’t need to escape, I realize that celebrating moments other than job promotions, weddings, and the birth of Jesus are really important to me. Gathering with friends to see the first full moon rise, commemorating group chat anniversaries, toasting to milestones made in gymnastics glass, making congratulatory videos when someone writes a new chapter of fanfiction, baking cupcakes for a friend when they resisted texting their ex over the holidays…the list goes on.
So, as I leave 2023 behind here is my offering: Celebrate your health, your sobriety if that’s something that keeps you well. Celebrate the endings of relationships just as much as the beginnings, memorialize the mastering of a new recipe, the casting off of the last stitch of your knitted sweater. Celebrate saying no, commemorate when your friend stands up to their mother or their boss. Celebrate how many days it’s been since you haven’t watched that person’s Instagram stories. Make a video. Take a picture. Bake a cake. And share it. Because life’s too short for muted milestones.
This year I participated in more celebration of life than possibly any other year, and I hope to continue that into the rest of my days. But as I have my eye on 2024, a different word appears on the horizon, one I’ve avoided like an itchy sweater for years: discipline. Routine and structure don’t come easily to me which is the third reason I’d never make it in the military (the first is that war, imperialism, and violence terrify me, and the second is that I don’t look good in fatigues). But as we all know, there are certain aspects of mental health that benefit from a routine, so I have found myself over the course of the past few years, clawing my way toward some structures that ground me. Cadet Kelly style.
Though I tell myself I am spontaneous and whimsical by nature (true), I have also discovered that chaos is my comfort zone (also true). So, in times of stability, I sometimes mistake security for boredom and try to spice up my life with impulsivity or worry unnecessarily. Everything being okay makes me uncomfortable, so I create sneaky chaos to feel normal until the other shoe drops. But here’s the thing…stillness isn’t necessarily boredom and regulating my body to recognize the difference is something I still have to work on. I am so sorry if that rings a bell for anyone…
In a conversation about ADHD, my friend Leo shared this brilliant nugget: “structure and routine is so important for ADHD, and I sometimes think about how school provides that in a way real life doesn’t.” We learn, though often with no explicit instruction, in primary, secondary, and beyond how to manage our time outside of a comprehensive schedule provided, but very rarely are we taught how to create one for ourselves. Though there is an argument for work replacing school, the two have always felt very different to me. Preparing for and attending various classes with different groups of people on a range of topics feels very different than setting myself up for a series of meetings or conferences at work.
When entering the workforce, I had no idea how to balance my time, and I often worked until my vision blurred a bit and my hands would shake because I hadn’t stopped to eat. By that point, I was useless to myself, my job, and my relationships. I had no idea how to protect or prioritize my time, and I realized that most teachers who left school early had someone waiting for them at home: a partner, a child, a pet. They had some responsibility that beckoned them away from working and toward themselves. I had none of these responsibilities — I didn’t want them — and yet my time felt no freer than theirs’ because I hadn’t a clue how to prioritize myself. I didn’t even know what my joys or hobbies were; I only knew that I wasn’t doing them because I was too tired.
There are certain structures I had because my family established them together or my school required them, so setting up routines for myself after my parents’ divorce and graduation from school felt challenging. This is part of becoming a grown up, I think. And it can feel pretty lonely and pathetic sometimes. And part of me wonders if this is why people create new families. Why they get into relationships and move in with partners and have children and adopt pets. Because it’s easier to brush your teeth if someone is gonna smell your breath in the morning. And it’s less lonely to sneeze if there’s someone there to say “bless you.” These are the little routines that feel hollow when carving out a life of your own. And if you’ve a brain like mine that inclines toward depression, it can sometimes trick you into feeling like your solitude is a reflection of your worth instead of a choice about your freedom.
What I have found being a person with ADHD who lives by myself without pets, partners, or children, and wants to become more disciplined, is that I need some type of group accountability that mimics the tough love of a (healthy, not shame-y) family. Habit tracking apps and accountability coaches-for-hire might work for some people, but for me I’ve discovered that the more someone cares about me, the more I want to be my best self for them, thus the more likely it is that I’ll stick with a routine if they know it’s good for me. So, I call a friend or post a picture in a group chat while I’m doing my dishes, going for a walk, or doing my laundry because not only does it make it more fun and allow them to be proud of me, it feels like I’m a kid doing chores with a family around. Are the dishes done? Is the bathroom clean yet? And I guess in some way they are.
I feel really lucky to finally live near Pareesa, a friend who likes to craft, read, and reorganize closets as much as I do. Some days my chores don’t get done unless Pareesa is sitting on my couch, and I’m beginning to think that isn’t as silly as it used to sound. I know now I can’t be disciplined alone, and I’m getting better at asking for help. So, to Alan and Pareesa, my makeshift parents-down-the-lane, thanks for adopting me, building me furniture and feeding me burrito bowls after encouraging me to put away my clean laundry. It makes more of a difference than you could know…
This week’s newsletter had a ton of overflow, so the next one shouldn’t be a long wait! Enjoy this edition’s recommendations and please let me know what you think via comments, emails, texts etc. They make my day.
🎵 Overcast & Buzzin’ (playlist by me with a heavy hand from spotify suggestions)⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Pareesa came over today and, while Alan built my standing desk, we listened to really sad covers of music we love to cry to. None of them are listed below but…this is the playlist that got us down that rabbit hole. Think First Aid Kit covering One More Cup of Coffee…then listen to this and you’ll get a gist of the afternoon we had.
🎵Years On by Novo Amor (new release) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
If Hozier, King of the Lesbians, has a PhD in longing, then Novo Amor is what happens when a boy decides to go swimming in the Great Lakes with an acoustic guitar and somehow discovers another world of endless yearning below its surface. Is he touring anywhere in North America anytime soon? No. But, he has 2 new songs out as of this month, so I’ll be busy for the next few days in a glass cage of emotion. If you are in the UK or Europe, keep an eye out for him this spring.
Things I have learned about Novo Amor that astound me in no particular order:
Novo Amor is just one dude…his name is Ali Lacey and is a Welsh man who lives in Cardiff.
Ali started Novo Amor as a project after a breakup. How do people do this, actually? All I started after my breakup was a pretty intense relationship with Wyld Huckleberry gummies and an addiction to the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise.
🎵 Other People’s Songs by The Ballroom Thieves (new release)⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
“And you close your eyes/Into a messy morning kitchen/Of a mind I've always lived in…”
… these lyrics? Be so serious. My favorite of the triple release is “Don’t It Feel Good,” from which the lyrics above were pulled. The Ballroom Thieves tend to slither in at the right times in my listening moods, and these new tracks couldn’t be more welcome. My second most listened to song of 2023 was The Ballroom Thieves’ “In The Morning,” which buoys me with so much hope.
If Hozier is wet soil underneath the forest floor and Novo Amor is the water carving (darling) through that ground, and The Paper Kites are the street-lit concrete as the storm comes down, The Ballroom Thieves are the air right above it all, letting you feel like maybe if you close your eyes, you’ll be capable —ever so briefly— of human flight. Catch the band on the road supporting Sarah Jarosz this spring.
🎵Fleetwood Macrame at The Ivy Room (Fleetwood Mac cover band)⭐️⭐️⭐️
Scoff and roll your eyes all you want, but 2024 is the year of the tribute band, specifically Fleetwood Macrame. I don’t even listen to Fleetwood Mac like that, but apparently if you were born in the 90’s and grew up in California, there is a high likelihood you absorbed Stevie Knicks via osmosis of the air waves around your parents. (I know that osmosis doesn’t occur in the atmosphere due to the lack of a semi-permeable membrane but please don’t let this deter you from my recommendation).
I have never listened to Fleetwood Mac on purpose (I know), but I knew every song this cover band played. Not only did I know each track, but I enjoyed them all! Linda Moody’s vocals are a dead-ringer for Stevie and the band is FUN. Septuagenarians and millennials alike were dancing and groovin’, smiling and smoochin’ and I felt so happy just to be involved. I was the only person in a five-foot radius not on an acid trip, and personally I had a great time.
Find Linda’s original band below. Full disclosure: I haven’t listened to this band, and they only have 26 Spotify listeners, but I’m not sure that should stop us from giving them a go. If you’re a Bay Area local, Fleetwood Macrame tends to play once or twice a month around the bay & West County.
I don’t actually know what is happening, but I have been inhaling Irish art lately at a pace that perhaps isn’t totally advisable but is uncontrollable nonetheless: my literature, music, and film buckets are all full of material from the island, and I’m not sure when I’m returning to the country of my birth. From reading Sally Rooney, Marian Keyes, and Caroline O’Donoghue to listening to Hozier and Inhaler, to watching anything Andrew Scott, Paul Mescal, Cillian Murphy, Eve Hewson, Saoirse Ronan or Sharon Horgan act in…I’ll admit it’s really hard to be friends with me right now as I’m a bit of an ineffectual but overzealous accent sponge. Needless to say, every recommendation this week wouldn’t be possible without the participation of Ireland. Thank you for your service.
🎬 Hamlet (Stage to Screen Play, Tragedy, 2018) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Oi, nah. Why did no one tell me about the 3 hour and eleven-minute screen adaptation of Hamlet from 2018 starring the Hot Priest and Lady Sybil Crawley herself scored with Bob Dylan folk ballads? I’m actually unwell (read: in a state of bliss so pure, the rest of my life risks presenting a diluted sort of gray). In a very strange night of dopamine pursuit, I made as much shawarma and toum as I could eat solo (a lot, it turns out), and I watched Hamlet for 3+ hours while reading character analysis and literary theories between acts and well, GENTLEADIES METHINKS OPHELIA WAS PUSHED (and pregnant). Spoiler, I guess, for this centuries old play.
So many lines and symbols that have become a part of our lexicon have their origins in this play and seeing them in their purest form satisfies an itch I didn’t know I had. It’s like when I discovered that idie-rock duo Tommy Lefroy was named after the Irish politician and lover to Jane Austen upon which she drew the famous characterization for Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy, and I don’t know what exploded first my mind or my heart.
Anyways, I can guarantee you have never seen a Hamlet like Andrew Scott’s — I felt like I was fluent in Early Modern English because of how clearly he is able to articulate the essence of Shakespeare. So, if you do anything today, please watch Andrew Scott’s version of the famous To Be, or Not To Be soliloquy here.
If you haven’t read or seen Hamlet, I just really, highly recommend it. Don’t just take my word for it, though:
🎬 Foe (SciFi, Amazon 2023) ⭐️⭐️⭐️
Does this film have 1 star rating and a 24% on Rotten Tomatoes? Yes, yes it does. Is it the grossest miscarriage of justice since The Princess Bride’s Oscar snub of 1987? Not really. But I don’t at all agree that it’s that bad? I thought the acting performances of Paul Mescal and Saoirse Ronan alone were worth a watch, and the cinematography is gorgeous. Even though the plot leaves something to be desired, and the twists were a bit obvious, and the whole thing was desperately sad, it did keep my attention. (Read: Paul kept my attention).
🎬 Peaky Blinders on Amazon (UK Period Crime Drama) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (there simply aren’t enough stars in the galaxy)
TOMMY SHELBY HEADS RISE. Cillian, or as I like to call him “Cill,” is famous for a reason. Like, please give this man every award. He consistently knocks it out of the park and is hilarious in press interviews because he hates talking about himself, but he loves talking about The Work (but not in a pretentious way because his sarcastic Irish disposition wouldn’t allow for it and it’s so funny to witness). Anyways, Cill’s rise to prominence because of Peaky Blinders is nothing short of well-deserved. Plus…a Birmingham accent for a boy from Cork is… no small thing.
The writing, directing, cinematography, set design, costume design, sound design, and acting of this show is…simply out of this world. I admit I was predisposed to love this show, as I have a deep and unyielding interest in WWI and the interwar period in England (my senior research seminar for my history degree in college was examining class tensions between and among professional and volunteer nurses in England from 1914-1918). So I am the exact target audience for this masterpiece. But… maybe the fact that this show impressed me so much as a sTuDeNt oF tHe Era (ha!) means it actually holds much more water than even I gave it credit for initially. Its examination of tensions between ethnic groups and political factions as well as questions of class and gender post-war all set to a soundtrack of Nick Cave and PJ Harvey? Be so for real.
This show offers brilliant performances from its stars, beautiful character studies in the writing, gorgeous evolutions of aesthetics to match the passage of time through the twenties and thirties and the journey of a family from working to upper class. Lauded at the time as one of the first shows to really attempt a period drama of the working class, Peaky Blinders is gritty and tender, brutal and smart. If you, like me, are sad that the sixth and final season is in the rear view, fear not! I have heard from a very trusted source (Pareesa who saw it ‘somewhere on the internet’) that the film has started filming. If you want a more trusted source, read here.
If you were around for my The Last Kingdom era and the history of the wimple, know that I feel exactly the same way about this show and green banker’s lamps, however I must admit this show is objectively better in every way than The Last Kingdom (sorry Uhtred).
My friend Jonny: “Is this like your Vikings era obsession?”
Me: “Yes. The only English epoch I love more than a 9th century pre-unification story is one about World War I and its aftermath.”
I’m in a Lisa Jewell era. I don’t really know why? I just know that as soon as I finish one, I start another. These are like literary potato chips. I open them when I’m bored, and they taste good, though I’m not sure how much I can recommend them in good conscience? Except None of This is True, which was a riot.
📚None of This is True, The Night She Disappeared, The Girls in the Garden, I Found You, Watching You by Lisa Jewell (mystery) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Plots:
None of This is True: A podcast inside a documentary inside a novel this one is NUTS and definitely my favorite. Two 45-year-old women’s paths cross in a pub bathroom the night of their shared birthday. One had a podcast. One has a story. A lot of people die. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
The Night She Disappeared: This is probably my favorite after None of This Is True. A single mum with a missing daughter, a novelist married to a headteacher, a few missing people and some big secrets. Loved the queer representation in this!⭐️⭐️⭐️.5
The Girls in the Garden: Two sisters and their mom move to a new flat next to a private park for the residents — the same park where a girl their age disappeared twenty years earlier. ⭐️⭐️.5
I Found You: A single mom of three finds a man on the beach one morning. He has no idea how he got there and can’t remember any details of his own life. Simultaneously a woman from Ukraine discovers that her husband is missing. ⭐️⭐️⭐️
Watching You: Someone in this posh neighborhood is found dead in their kitchen and police begin to ask around about the new headteacher at the local school. ⭐️⭐️
🧁 Sophia Roe Pasta (Crate & Barrel) ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Alan, Pareesa’s legal husband, made this pasta recipe for us a couple of weeks ago, and there hasn’t been a day since where I haven’t thought about it and wished it were swimming in a bowl of it. Creamy and citrusy, this pasta balances it all: the meatiness of the mushrooms, the flavor of the tomatoes, the fragrance of the herbs. It’s a 10/10 (when Alan makes it). I have messed it up twice but not because it’s difficult. Oh, and it’s vegan!
📱 Sibster - Bowls (DIY account)
I love this account! They specialize in low-waste, low-cost crafts. These bowls were made with egg cartons and junk mail scraps. So fun.
📱Bre’s Tiny Print Shop - Zine Creator (art account)
I started following brattyxbre_ on IG and TikTok in the pandemic. She is so cool and funny and her zines rock. I’ve written about her before, but here’s a video where she discusses everything she would have done differently had she started her zine hobby and business over. If you’re looking for a new hobby, maybe this is it! Personally, I’m excited to start making some zines this year. I’ve got a whole little notebook full of ideas. (One…there is one idea in there).
🚗The Oakland Museum of California - Into the Brightness Exhibit (Oakland)
EXHIBIT CLOSING SOON: Extended to January 28th, “Into the Brightness” is the culmination of work from artists at three Bay Area based studios: Creativity Explored, Creative Growth, and NIAD located in San Francisco, Oakland, and Richmond respectively. I’m endlessly thankful to Carol for introducing me to Creativity Explored and feel so lucky to actually have some art from their studio hanging in my home. Every artist featured at this exhibit and in these studios has a developmental disability, and according to OMCA this exhibit “presents a variety of dynamic perspectives from the artists’ personal experiences of the world.” One of my favorite artists here was Casey Byrnes. Take a look at his interview below. Hilary and Lea went to this exhibit and loved it so, approval of adults and children alike!
🚗 KQED - Last Chance to See Movies at the Castro Theater (San Francisco)
CLOSING SOON: The Castro Theater is closing in February for renovations that will remove all of the seats and essentially convert the venue from cinema to standing-room theater. If you are a Bay Area person with some sentimentality, act fast!
🤣Women Leaving the House: (tiktok: heyfreesamples)
Tag yourself — I am “any reason we would need olive oil?”
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📕Telling the Bees Book Club: facilitated by Josh Lora (paid subscription)
ALERT! I have 3 free gift subscriptions to Telling the Bees — comment or send me a message if you want them. First come first serve!
January’s Book Club Pick: Trust Exercise
Subscribe for registration links & chat features
In Person: 2/1 at 6:30 PM (EST)
Simone, Meg, Tessa & Sarah go to this it looks so fun!
Zoom: 2/3 at 12 PM (EST)
📕Banned Book Club: facilitated by Lyric Rose (free)
January’s Book Club Pick: Salvage the Bones by Jesmyn Ward
Join the Whatsapp group here!
Shout outs to:
Alan for building my standing desk for me just because? Who is this angel?
Carol for spending a lovely day with me at the Oakland Museum of California’s “Into the Brightness” exhibit.
Johnny for an impromptu Peaky Blinders marathon — also I love the long locks.
Lana and Kara for landing NEW JOBS! I’m so proud of you.
Gem for liking her NEW JOB! I’m also so proud of you.
The Barnacles + Whit (minus me, Ray, and Liz but not from a lack of trying) for meeting up for a hockey game in CANADA! The power of a Dramione Group Read from 2022 is…strong. And I love it.
My dad for displaying a Palestinian flag and wearing a keffiyeh in his office and engaging in conversations with people who ask about them — solidarity works at all different levels.
Sarah, Brigid, Kara, and Erin for helping me start to figure out Library School™
To anyone who has sent me a holiday card (you’ll get a Valentine, I promise)
My mother, who organized an amazing surprise 80th birthday for my grandfather and a beautiful memorial for my grandmother.
Pareesa for rescuing me from the Federal Express agent who wouldn’t stop asking me on a date while generating labels for my international mail
Devon & Alicia for another successful Sunday Dinner in the books!
Venicio Del Toro, Venedict Cumberbatch, Venture Capitol One Credit Card…are you? are you? coming to the tree? You know what you did, and I love you for it.
Sharon Horgan for existing and writing hilarious and deep television.
Ending Note:
If you’re bored, Lana and I released a studio-recorded episode of I Have No Milk. Listen here. The next one will be out in February! Like, review, subscribe, share etc.
Turn to your poets. Lean on one another. Be safe and love hard. <3
XO,
M
Yay for your dad. That warmed my heart🖤
I'm clearly the women who isn't ready but sits down on her phone to scroll